when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Boobs speak an international language.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
