you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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