im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Randomize
