Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
