yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
