Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
