I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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