she woke up with a sticky ear
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
