I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
