A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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