i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
