I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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