batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
