So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
