I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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