i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
