At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
