Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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