And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
