so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
