this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
