i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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