Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
