the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
