Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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