Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
