its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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