Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
