Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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