dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
