just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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