I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
