my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
