On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
