Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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