She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
