I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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