Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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