ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
