just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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