Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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