Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
