i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
