mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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