The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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