my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
