remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
