im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
