he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
