Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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