He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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