She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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