somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
