thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
