im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
