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i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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