then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
