New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
